Romance scam warning signs — and how to talk to a loved one

Romance scams aren’t about naivety. They’re run by organised groups who invest weeks or months building genuine-feeling relationships. They’re patient, attentive and skilled at creating emotional closeness.

That’s why victims include people of every age, background and level of education.

• The relationship moves quickly to intense affection.
• They can never video call, or the call always fails.
• They live or work far away — overseas, on a rig, in the military.
• A sudden emergency, travel cost, fee or ‘investment opportunity’ requires money.
• They ask you to keep the relationship private.
• Their photos appear elsewhere online under different names.

If you’re worried about a family member, how you raise it matters. Confrontation often pushes people closer to the scammer.

• Start with care, not accusation: ‘I’m glad you’ve found someone. Can I ask a few questions?’
• Ask questions rather than making statements — let them notice the inconsistencies.
• Suggest a simple test, like a live video call.
• Offer practical help: a reverse image search of the photos, together.
• Stay connected even if they don’t agree yet. Isolation helps scammers.